Gratitude

It’s the time to look back on the year that was. There is nostalgia in the air as people talk about what they loved/ hated about the year, or simply what made an impact on them. Yesterday I went to an event where a group of people got together to share the things they were grateful for in this year. And I sat there and thought about what I was most grateful for. I have a few select friends who I know will be there for me no matter what. And I am grateful for that. I have a decent job, and the financial security that comes from a regular salary and a habit of saving. And I am grateful for that. Loving parents about whom the biggest complaint I can make is that they worry about me too much. And I am grateful for that. 

When I started writing this post, I was sure I knew what I was most grateful for. I was sure of my answer as I sat in the park yesterday surrounded by people and their stories of strength and learning and love and fortune –  the things they were grateful for. But I am not sure of my answer now. What seemed so significant yesterday, that I was, in essence, willing to define my year around it, seems trivial tonight. What is an entire year compared to a day? Actually, the memory of a day that brought joy only because of its absence? 

15th December 2017. What should have been the 3rd anniversary of my wedding, had things gone as planned. The first 15th December since “the incident” that I didn’t even remember the day or what it was supposed to have meant. And that, I thought, was the biggest gift the year had brought. Now, I don’t feel I can give it that importance. And my wish for next year is that I don’t care whether I remember it or not. That there is not even a moment of confusion about what I am most grateful for in 2018.